Pursuing the Healthy Lifestyle

Summer
Our new guest contributor

It seems these days as if everyone wants to jump on the latest health kick trend...gluten free, "paleo," non-fair, Atkins, raw food...the trends are endless. But, sometimes it feels as though people are eating in the trendy way without thinking about why they are eating this way; they are forgetting the main reason they even started to look into a healthy lifestyle. That's where I come in. I'm Summer--the new guest contributor on The Accessorized Life. I like to eat clean and exercise, so I will be your go-to-gal for all things about health, fitness, and wellness. So, without further ado, let's discuss how to get healthy, and finding a plan to stick to!

We all have our own reasons for why we want to be healthier (losing a little weight, toning your body, or feeling better about yourself). And, eating healthy is always a key component in that equation. But, in the end there is not a one size fits all program when it comes to getting fit and feeling good. You have to listen to your body--you need to do what is right for you, and only you. It is also important to remember that this is a lifestyle change, not a quick fix. Know that you aren't going to lose those 10 (or more) pounds overnight, you will have slip ups (those chocolate chip cookies are sometimes just too good to pass up!), and you will have moments where you don't want to do this anymore. Remember, you can't change everything about your lifestyle in one day.

This change has to come from within as well--yes your family and friends may inspire you to get healthier, but unless you are truly ready to commit to a healthier lifestyle, your changes won't stick. Making changes to your lifestyle has to be for you, and you alone. How many of us know someone who has tried to quit smoking for their family or friends? Or someone who swears they are going to lose weight because their significant other asked them to? They never truly quit, or lose the weight, or get healthy until they actually want to do it for themselves.

The first step is to identify your goal, and why you want to meet that goal. Next? Find ways to work towards that goal. Make a plan that works for you, one that is realistic and that you can actually stick to.

If your goal is to start eating healthier, take it one step at a time. First track what you are eating for a week (be honest--even down to that one little piece of candy you grabbed from the receptionist's desk or the mint at the diner that you ate). Then, look at what is good and bad about your diet. Do you eat a lot in the evening but not enough early on in the day? Are you getting too hungry in between means, resulting in overeating? Are you eating mostly junk food? Did you finally realize that you re eating way more of the unhealthy stuff than the good stuff? Figure out where your diet can be tweaked then look at ways to slowly move out some of the bad items and replace them with better choices. So, instead of cookies for a snack, opt for fruit--even if it's only once a week, or if you allow yourself one small cheat snack a day (for example one cookie after dinner instead of half of the package). Remember to take small steps--don't try to change everything in one day. If you make these small changes, you will be able to stock with it longer. Most people try to do some big dramatic change to how they eat--this leaves them feeling unsatisfied, empty, and mostly hungry. In the end, they end up eating more bad stuff as they crave it and just go on overload. Remember, eating healthy doesn't mean you have to cut out all of the bad stuff like cake, cookies, candy, and ice cream (especially because the bad stuff just tastes so good!). It just means having them in moderation--you know, once a week or at a special occasion, not three times a day.

If your goal is to be more active, then get out there and start moving. Don't expect to run a marathon on your first day out--or even walk a mile (although you may surprise yourself!). Start simply--park in the back of the parking lot and enjoy that walk to your office, the mall, a doctor's appointment...wherever you're going. You can start by taking a walk every other day--go out for 15 or 20 minutes and just walk. If you can power walk, power walk. If not, just stroll. Any activity is good activity. (But, don't use a 20 minute walk as an excuse to eat badly!) Bottom line? Get yourself moving. As you start to exercise more frequently, you'll find you can do more--build yourself up to more walking, then jogging, and then even (gasp!) running. If walking and running aren't your thing, try taking a class such as yoga, barre, Zumba, or spin class. Even if you are the slowest one in there, even if you need to take breaks, even if you can't keep up with the moves and find yourself laughing far more than you do following along, that's okay (laughing burns calories, too!)--as long as you are off the couch, away from the snacks, and getting your heart rate up, you're doing good things for your body. Have a gym membership that is doing little more than gathering dust? Don't be like chandler from Friends (no, you don't want to quit the gym!). Just make some small lifestyle changes that will make going to the gym easier and more productive. Try bringing your workout clothes with you to work, then go straight to the gym. Everyone gets tired after a long day of work and it's easy to make up excuses not to take that walk or go to the gym. So try to just go right after work. If after work doesn't work for you, set your alarm for an hour earlier, go to the gym before work, shower, and get ready for work at the gym, and then go to work. That way it is done and out of the way and you can enjoy the rest of your day. You'll find that if you go, you'll feel better about yourself, you'll have more energy, and you'll just feel good! Don't beat yourself up if you miss a day (or even two), just don't make missing a habit, or you'll quickly find yourself back to being a couch potato wit lofty dreams and goals and an expanding waist size or growing flab.

Being healthy needs to become a way of life. If you incorporate it all (healthy eating and exercise) and make it a priority, it soon just becomes a part of who you are and doesn't feel like a chore. Before you know it, you'll be automatically making the healthy choices--and enjoying it while you do. If you need someone to keep you motivated and honest, enlist a friend, or two, to accompany you on this journey. Find a gym buddy who will motivate you to show up or push you to the next level. Find a friend or two that you can text your workout details to--someone who will be truly excited for you to embark on this journey and who will celebrate your successes, and make suggestions on how to get healthier (after all, that's what Lauren, Stacy, and I do for each other!). Text your friend pictures of yourself periodically so you can celebrate your successes together. If social media is your thing, post to Twitter, post to Facebook, post photos of yourself pre- and post-workout to Instagram. Whatever works to keep you on track, find it and stick to it!

Now...get off the couch, get healthy, and get moving!

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com

Hello, Instagram!

We are just dropping a little note to let you all know that we are now on Instagram! We are super excited about it, and we hope you are, too! It's a fun way to share quick little finds, purchases, quotes, and other fun stuff with you guys--especially when we don't have the time to sit down and write a post. We're all about the more the merrier, so if you have an Instagram account, be sure to follow us at @theaccessorizedlife for great fashion finds, beauty tips, and other fun stuff! (Share us with your friends, too!)

See you there!

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com

You Are Not Alone

"You Are Not Alone." That is the theme of this year's National Infertility Awareness Week. Those words...those four little words. They are SO very important. You. Are. Not. Alone. For a long while now, I've been toying with the idea of writing this post. Infertility...it's such a lonely, difficult road to travel. Sadly, most people don't discuss their experiences, so those who live through it typically feel like they are battling it alone. How do I know this? I was there. And, it's time for me to share my story in the hopes that other people who are going through this painful journey feel a little less alone.

I'm not going to run through every detail of my journey. There's no need to rip off those scabs or to open old wounds. But, I will tell you the short version...it took three years. Three long years. Three long, painful years. When my husband and I started trying, I expected to get pregnant quickly. When I still wasn't pregnant after 6 months, I started to worry. When I still wasn't pregnant after a year, I started to get downright crazy. When I went to a fertility doctor, who told me that he didn't know why my husband and I couldn't conceive (and, by the way, we still don't know), I was frustrated, angry, and very sad. When, month after month, I had failed IUIs, I questioned myself...I questioned my body. I hated my body--it was betraying me. I wondered why I was "broken" and what was wrong with me. I expected that IVF would be our solution--and I expected it to work on the first shot. So, when my first IVF failed, I was an absolute mess.

I'm one of the lucky ones. There was a light at the end of my story, a happy ending for me. I remember being in the doctor's office for my second IVF transfer. My amazing doctor looked at me and said, "I give this a 100% chance of working." I asked him for that in writing (with a smile on my face, of course), and he playfully refused. But, I held onto that hope. As I felt my body changing in the first two weeks after the transfer, I attributed it to the shots I was giving myself. I refused to give into the possibility that it worked this time because I was shielding myself from the pain I knew could, very realistically, be coming my way. I remember the day that I was getting my results. I refused to check my phone all day. When the end of the school day came, I locked my classroom door and checked my messages. I heard these four magical words: "Congratulations! You are pregnant." I didn't even listen to the rest of the message. I literally collapsed to the floor in tears. I called my husband and told him that we were having a baby, and he cried as well. I am not a cryer--at least not at things like this. I still tear up when I remember that moment, and yes, I do still have that message saved on my phone.

I will tell you this. If you let it, infertility will destroy you. As I was going through this pain, I had friend after friend around me get pregnant. At first, as each of these friends announced their news, I would pull away from them and start to distance myself. Then, one of my closest friends at work announced her pregnancy. I felt myself pulling away. But, I knew that I loved her, and that I didn't want to ruin our friendship. So, I sucked up my pain, pushed it aside, and made every effort to be happy for her and be her friend. (I'm happy to tell you that she and I are still very close friends.) As I was going through the first year of infertility, I was outright mean to my husband. I mean, MEAN. I was snappy, nasty, and always on the edge. One day I made a conscious decision--I could either live my life and enjoy it, or I could wallow in misery and let it destroy me. I chose to live, and enjoy life. That didn't mean that I didn't feel the pain. It just meant that I would feel it, acknowledge it, cry if I needed to, and let it go.

Another word of advice...avoid social media when you can. It's heartbreaking to see people posting their pregnancies on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I can still vividly remember the day when five of my "friends," in one day, announced their pregnancies via Facebook. I walked into my husband's home office and melted into a puddle of tears. I still tear up when I think about it. In fact, it affected me so much that I never announced my pregnancy on social media. I never wanted to be that person who hurt someone else going through their own infertility journey.

I'll tell you, this is a pain that never goes away. Despite having successfully made it to the other end of this very rocky road, my heart still breaks every time I hear someone announce they are pregnant. It still stings when people talk about how they "just got pregnant by accident," or "we weren't even trying!" It kills me when I see people who are so unfit for parenthood popping out child after child, only to abuse, neglect, or otherwise harm that child. People who criticize IVF or other scientific methods for reaching parenthood still bring tears to my eyes. When I heard about the comments Dolce & Gabbana made about IVF babies being "synthetic babies," it took all of my willpower not to weep all over myself on my drive to work. How could anyone call my two beautiful, spunky, funny, smart, curious, loving little miracles "synthetic?" Shame on them. Shame on anyone who would make someone battling their own fertility--their own body--feel less than complete.

I look back, and, as crazy as this sounds, in some ways, I'm glad for this journey. For one thing, it forced me to draw on reserves of strength that I had no idea even existed. For another, it gave my husband and me a few years to travel the world before we had kids. Lastly, my husband and I have gone through hell and back together...there's nothing that can tear a marriage apart, or in our case, make it strong as steel as infertility can. For these things I am thankful. For my beautiful babies, I am thankful. And, I am thankful that I lived this, because now I am able to share my story, and, hopefully, bring some comfort to future moms-and-dads-to-be taking their first lonely, scary steps on this road.

If you want to talk, or just need someone to listen, reach out to me at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com. I'll get back to you, personally, as soon as I possibly can. If you have a friend or family member who is facing infertility, this helpful list gives you some great ways to offer your support.

To learn more, please visit these links:
What is Infertilty?
National Infertility Awareness Week

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com

Where I've Been

I know we've been a little lax in posting on the blog. Partly it's my fault. I became a little self involved in my life. For those who actually know me, that has never happened before. Well, I'm ready to share with the world why....

Most of my friends already know this story, but for those who don't know me and follow this blog (the one of you...) here is where I've been for the last year.

For the entirety of my adult life, I was the quintessential single gal. I watched as my friends found their loves, married, had children, and moved on. I participated happily in those life events, always wondering if that would ever happen for me. I hated feeling like I was missing something, but I also wasn't willing to settle.  I also wasn't truly happy with my life. We, as humans, rarely say that out loud. To say you're unhappy is unheard of. If you do, someone can look at you and say, "You are unhappy? For what reason? You are young, healthy, have a good job."  Also, to admit to unhappiness, is almost like admitting to defeat. However, I have never been one of those people to just idly sit by, so I realized that if I was unhappy, I'm the only person who has the power to make myself happy.  So I saw a counselor, I worked a lot on myself, and made the decision that maybe I just wasn't meant to find anyone, that my life was going to be the way it was--fulfilled with friends and family, but missing a piece.

I told my friends this and they pish poshed what I said; they were confident I was meant to be with someone. I was not so easily convinced. I guess I also didn't want to get my hopes up, so I made some sarcastic joke and changed the subject. Yes, I am the queen of sarcasm, and, yes, I know it was a defense mechanism.

Then I lost my grandmother. Her death caught me off guard; it was pretty sudden. She had always been so strong, vibrant, the matriarch of my family, and although we didn't always see eye to eye, I loved her fiercely. She wanted nothing more for me than to find the person I was supposed to marry and start a family. When she passed, I felt lost again and I couldn't figure out why.  Fast forward to four months after she passed to me hysterically crying to one of my best friends and saying the words that I couldn't say, but what had been a dark hole in my heart since she passed... "that she would never see me marry." As soon as I said that out loud, a weight lifted off my shoulders. I also made the decision at that moment, that I had to stop moping around--she would not want that. I realized I had to be open again, stop saying no, and shutting myself off. Over the next few months I worked on letting my grief go. At a girls' night In that I hosted, my friends convinced me to go back on match.com and be proactive in finding someone.

After Valentine's Day, 2014, I made the decision to really dive into emailing some guys on the site, and see what came of it. This time, I tried to stay positive. I was emailing with one guy, when I read the profile of another. This other guy came up in a search I did and I clicked on him because his user name was "devildog" something. I thought that meant he was a Devils fan...I was wrong.  I started looking at his profile and his stats that are at the top of his profile, (if you've ever been on an internet dating site, you know that up top they put a person's stats: age, height, body type, religion, etc.) were not things I normally go for.... but something told me to keep reading.  So I did. What I found was someone funny, cute and I was hooked. I sat down and typed, and then retyped, an email to him. It took me a little while to get it right; I was trying so hard to be engaging and funny so that he would want to write me back. With a deep breath I hit send and went on with my day. Honestly, outside of a few random guys over the years, internet dating did not yield a lot of success for me.

Two hours later, he wrote back. Over the next few hours, we wrote email after email to each other, switched to gchat, then by the end of the day, we had a date planned for later in the week!!! We spent the next few days talking over email and gchat and eventually texting. It was a wonderful first date, not that it was spectacularly unique, rather, we spent 5 hours talking and laughing. By the end of the night, we had another date lined up for the next night. I was smitten.

Our relationship started fast, we spent most of our time together over the next six weeks. My plans revolved around his, I became that girl. I knew it was happening, but honestly, I just didn't care.

Was it love at first sight? No. It was definitely like at first sight, and love didn't take that long to appear. He and I grew as a couple; we spent all our time together and that missing puzzle piece of my life had finally been found. (I know, so cliched...)

Ten months later, he asked me to marry him, in the most perfect of ways. It was a private perfect moment between he and I and then we were able to immediately celebrate with my parents and friends, and then with his family and friends two days later. (We went to his home state for Christmas)

We will be married this summer, and of course, Stacy will be my Matron of Honor. I'm toying with the idea of posting some of the planning I'm doing on the blog, but don't want to force my wedding on our limited readership.

I can't wait for all the new adventures to come. I know that it won't always be perfect, and that I can't predict what will happen, but I also know that I have found the person I am supposed to be with. I know my grandmother would have loved him, and that makes me sad and happy all rolled into one.

So...yeah, that's where I've been, up in the air, near the clouds...happy as can be.

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com

Motherhood...The Loneliest Job There Is

I'm going to preface this by saying that I love my kids and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I even really enjoy being a mom, most of the time (come on...we all have our moments, moms!), and I think being a mom has made me a better person. But there is one thing that no one will tell you...being a mom is the loneliest job in the world.

I think that my generation of moms is very different than our parents' generation--first and foremost, in general, we had kids later than our parents. That means that we lived our own lives, and created our own identities that are not wrapped up in our children. So, while our children might be the center of our worlds, they are not our entire worlds. I think that this is one of the reasons that the transition to motherhood is even harder for us--all of a sudden, we go from individuals with full lives--friends, jobs, activities (like the gym, yoga, book clubs, manicures, pedicures, knitting clubs, wine tastings...whatever you're into)--to lives that are very singularly focused--what time do I need to feed my child? Why is he/she crying? Does he/she need a diaper change? Is he/she hitting all of his/her milestones?--the list could go on and on forever. You find that you have very little time to do the things you love anymore. I used to read, on average, a book a week--even during the school year. Now, I'm lucky if I read a book every four months, and can only really read in the summer...if both of my kids take naps at the same time and actually nap for the full amount of time they're supposed to.

I used to have time to actually talk to the people who matter to me, but now, getting together with family or friends means that everyone is focused on the kids. Trying to have an adult conversation is like trying to listen to a radio station that is just out of range...you will only hear snippets of what you're supposed to. I have friends with kids, and we do play dates. In theory, it's great...adult interaction with a side of kids. In reality its kids with a very small side of adult interaction. For the great majority of my friends, I can't remember the last time I had a real conversation with them. Thank goodness for email and text because, otherwise, I'd have no friends left. Most of my phone conversations are done when I'm driving home from work, and most of the time it's only Lauren that I talk to...besides the fact that she's my best friend (which is the main reason I call her almost every day), she's the only other person I know who is willing and available to talk at 3:30 p.m.

My husband travels a lot for work...I'm talking 200+ days a year a lot. That means most days I basically feel like a single mom. I have a great support network--a nanny who loves my kids and who they love, parents who live in the same town and who come over daily to give whatever help they can, a mother in law who also lives in the same town and stops by to help whenever she can, friends who pick up the slack when needed (like Lauren, who is a goddess, who volunteered to watch my kids one day because no one else was able to and so I didn't have to take a multitude of days off of work). But, at the end of the day, all of the responsibility, all of the decision making, all of the day-to-day stuff falls on me. I am trying to juggle a career that I love (and yes, it is my choice to work, but see point number one...parents of my age group had their own lives before having kids, and I am fully aware that I am not stay at home mom material), my children, my husband, my family, my friends, my house, and my needs. At the end of the day, something always loses. Usually, that's me.

It's not like I can have a "girls' night out" or even a date night with my husband--usually he's traveling and so I'm always on mommy duty. I don't feel right asking for someone to watch my kids so I can go out and have a good time--especially if my husband isn't home because during that time the people I would ask to help are already pitching in with bedtime and bath and anything else I need. Even when my husband is home, most days of the week I'm too exhausted to even move, let alone meet a friend for dinner or drinks, or to even have a friend come over after bedtime if he isn't. In fact, most nights I'm so exhausted that I actually end up staying later than I intended because I'm too tired to get off the couch and go upstairs to bed (tonight...case in point). Even if I wasn't exhausted, my job demands almost as much of me as my kids do. At least 5 nights a week, as soon as the kids go to bed, the laptop and textbooks come out, and I am doing work right up until I go to bed. Honestly, I feel who I am slipping away. I don't have the time to do the things I love anymore, and I feel like I barely have any adult interaction, other than during my work day. I see my mother every day, and I truly couldn't tell you the last time we had a conversation about anything other than the kids. It's sad--I fear that my relationship with her is slipping away because we don't have time to keep it up.

And so, even though I'm always busy, and always surrounded by people, I'm really quite alone. Now, don't get me wrong, I relish my quiet time when the kids are napping or after they've gone to bed and I can do the things I enjoy (like read or knit) if I'm not working. But, in reality, I typically use that time to  stay on top of all of my responsibilities. I just feel very lonely. I have to imagine that it's not just me, and that a lot of moms feel like they have a very lonely job--a job that leaves them with little time to do the things that made them them before they had children. I just don't think many people talk about it...maybe if we did, we wouldn't feel so lonely.

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com

Being a NICU Parent

I believe I've mentioned this before, but my children's lives did not begin in the most auspicious way.

I will forever remember every moment of the day they were born. I was a little over a week into my forced maternity leave and one week into my bed rest. So far that week, I had doctor appointments nearly every day. Monday and Wednesday, I had already gone to the hospital to undergo non-stress tests. That day, Friday, my day was jam packed. I had the high risk doctor first thing in the morning, then the gestational diabetes nurse, and then a pulmonologist appointment in the afternoon. My breathing had become so labored that I literally could not breathe if I got out of bed and I could not take a deep breath at all.

A week earlier I had been diagnosed with mild pre-eclampsia--we're talking just over the line from "normal" into "pre-eclampsia." That morning, I went to my appointment at the high risk doctor. My blood pressure was soaring. They could not get it to come down and it was determined that my pre-eclampsia had gone from borderline to severe. In fact, I was teetering on eclamptic. After testing my blood pressure for the 4th time, I was told to go to the hospital. I figured I was, once again, going in for a non-stress test. And then my doctor said two little words..."It's time." In that moment my world stopped. I looked at her in disbelief and said, "As in I'm having the babies?" She said yes, that I was having the babies within the next 48 hours. She just had to decide which hospital I was going to--based on her prediction about how sophisticated a NICU my children would need.

I was told to go sit in the waiting room until I knew where to go. I went into the waiting room and cried. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I still had 7 weeks until my due date, and I figured I'd have had at least another 3 weeks before my babies were born. I expected them to be early--twins typically are--but I never expected them to be this early.

After we were told I could deliver at the local hospital (which was the one that I wanted to deliver at), we left the doctor's office in a stupor, went home, gathered our stuff, and got on our way. I got to the hospital around 11:30 that morning, checked in, and began our crazy ordeal. My doctor said that he could give me steroids to help the babies' lungs mature or he could take them out that very day. Considering I couldn't breathe and he was afraid I'd have a stroke or pulmonary embolism, he preferred to take them out that day. I nervously agreed. I was told my c-section would be around 4pm. I was just waiting for another woman named Jessica to go first. Jessica was in a similar situation--her baby was also 7 weeks early (in fact, she was due the day after me) and had developed HELLP syndrome, so she was also having an emergency c-section. Jessica was scheduled for a 3pm c-section. I would be next.

After being hooked up to the worst drug in the universe--magnesium sulfate--I waited. Jessica's c-section got pushed back, and so I didn't go in for mine until 6pm. I remember being wheeled down. I had never been more scared in my entire life. The only highlight I remember was as I got wheeled through the recovery area, someone pointed at me and said "Twins!" I realized it must have been Jessica. I pointed back and said, "Jessica!" Little did I know in that moment that 18 months later, Jessica and I would still be dear friends.

I remember getting the shots in my back to numb my lower half. I remember my husband coming in the room. I remember the drape that was laid too close to my face, making it hard for me to breathe and causing me even more anxiety. I remember my husband trying to talk to me, and me just wanting to close my eyes and disengage from what was going on. I remember "feeling" the birth--you feel pressure, but not pain. I remember the first time my children cried, I remember seeing them briefly before they were whisked off to the NICU, and I remember my husband nearly passing out for the second time that day--the stress hit him hard as well and neither of us had eaten all day.

The next thing I knew my babies were gone. I was empty, doped up and feeling pretty sick. I was on that vile drug until 4pm the next day. I was finally moved into a room on the maternity ward at that point. I still hadn't seen my babies since they were born. I was still basically immobile. Finally at 7 that night, I was wheeled to the NICU to see my babies. I was so not prepared for what I saw. My son, all 4 lbs 1 oz of him, was hooked up to numerous machines, tubes and wires. I was told that he doesn't like to be touched, so I have to just put a finger on his chest. I couldn't even see my daughter. My wheelchair was too low to see her in her isolette. Although she was (and continues to be) the smaller twin at just 2 lbs 13 oz, her lungs were better developed, so, while she was still hooked up to wires and tubes, she was hooked up to far less than he was.

It was strange. I really expected that once the babies were born, a switch would flip and I'd feel like a "mom," however that was supposed to feel. But, that didn't happen. In fact, I felt like me. A lot more tired, battered, beaten up, uncertain, and scared, but still me. Here I was, staring at these two little people that I made and carried, who were essentially strangers to me, and wondering what to do next.

Only a NICU parent could understand what it is when someone comes to visit you in the hospital, asking you how it feels to be a parent, and you smile and say all the right things (like "It's wonderful!" or "Great!"), but on the inside you're thinking, "I don't know." Only a NICU parent gets that you barely know your babies--in fact, the NICU nurses probably know them better than you do. You fear that the babies won't know that you're "mom" or "dad," and that they won't bond with you. In fact, I remember choosing birth announcements right after my kids came home from the NICU. One of the birth announcements had a section where you could describe the personality of each twin. I looked at it and thought, "I don't know how I'd answer that." They were already a month old. No one but a NICU parent understands that type of heartbreak as you feel that you've missed out on some essential part of your child's life.

Only a NICU parent could understand what it feels like when you are making medical decisions for your babies, who, in reality, don't feel like your babies at all. Like I said, it's hard to get to know them and bond with them when you only see them for a few hours each day and never, ever have any private time with them. After all, they're hooked up to wires, tubes, monitors and can't be taken out of the NICU.

Only a NICU parent could understand the sheer pain of having to make the decision of whether to go home or stay in the hospital for one more night--knowing that either way meant you leaving the hospital without your babies. The only moment that was worse than that pain was the moment that I actually went home. I apologized to them and cried. I'm not a crier. Ever. But in that moment, I cried. (In fact, a year and a half later, I still tear up every time I think about it.) You feel like the worst parent in the world, like you're abandoning your children and leaving them in the care of some stranger so that you can go home and rest. If they would have allowed me to stay the entire time my babies were in the NICU, you'd better believe that I would have. While I knew that I couldn't, and I knew that I had to go home, get the house ready for them, rest, and heal from my c-section, I couldn't believe that I was leaving them behind.

Only a NICU parent will understand that you were more tired when your children were in the NICU than when they actually came home. Yes, you sleep less when your babies are home, but you have the security of knowing that their struggle to simply survive outside the womb is over, and that they wouldn't have been discharged if they weren't ready to come home. So, even though you got to sleep for longer stretches while your babies were in the NICU, and your sleep was quieter because there were no babies in your bedroom, you couldn't fully rest. Not until those babies were home in your arms.

Only a NICU parent will understand the highs and lows that visiting your baby in the NICU can cause. You feel guilty each day when you leave there and you constantly question whether you did something that led to these circumstances or if you could have done something to prevent this outcome. You constantly blame yourself for this predicament, even though, rationally, you know there was nothing you could have done differently. On the other hand, those few hours with your babies in the NICU are the highlight of your day. My husband and I would drive home after our nighttime visit--our favorite visit because visiting hours were over and we got some quiet time with our babies--and just talk about our kids. We would talk about what they were doing that day that they hadn't done the previous day. We would talk about how they looked, how much they ate and how many ounces they gained. Each day we would take pictures and on the drive home, I would look at the pictures, because, honestly, that was the only way it felt real. I would stare at them and whenever I felt down, I would recall their little faces and know that they were waiting for me to visit again.

Only a NICU parent can understand how those nurses become a part of your family. As I said earlier, they know your babies better than you do for the beginning of their lives. They teach you what your child needs, wants and does. In order for the NICU experience to run as smoothly as possible, trust your nurses. Get to know them. Talk to them. They understand what you're going through and they're there to help. My husband and I knew our NICU nurses so well that we can still tell you about their families, their likes, and their dislikes. In fact, we still keep in touch with some of them and we will always hold them fondly in our hearts and memories.

Only a NICU parent can understand the overwhelming desire to bring your babies home, but the overwhelming fear of being responsible for someone so tiny and so fragile. The day we brought our babies home, my husband and I were over the moon with joy. We got home from the hospital, put them in their bouncy seats and literally just stared at them. For hours. They slept. We had no idea what to do with them. Both of us were too nervous to turn on the TV for fear that would make us seem like inattentive or bad parents. We didn't know their cries for hunger, wetness, or exhaustion yet. We literally just sat there and stared. Within a few days, we all got to know each other and got a routine going, but as overjoyed as we were to bring them home, every little thing about taking care of them scared us.

I'll leave you with this one thought...when I was alone in the hospital the first night on the maternity ward, I reached out to a friend from college that I hadn't spoken to in years. However, we are facebook friends and I remembered that her daughter had been born early and was in the NICU. Her daughter looked amazingly healthy several months later and my friend looked happy. However, I was alone, scared, sad and feeling lost. I asked her how the heck she survived the NICU and she gave me some very wise words...in fact, I still pass those words of wisdom on to any mom I know who has a baby in the NICU. She said, "While you're living it, it will seem like a lifetime. But, one day soon it will all seem very far away." She couldn't have been more right. It seemed like the hours and days crept by while my babies were in the NICU. But, when we got them home, those 4 weeks seemed like ages ago--they still do.

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com

My Summer Bucket List

I'm a teacher, so summer is the most beautiful season of the year for me. However, summer has taken on a whole new meaning since having kids. Summer used to mean a well deserved two months of doing a whole lot of nothing...lounging in the pool, reading tons of books, meeting friends for lunches, dinners, and/or shopping, sleeping late and staying up late. But, now that I have kids, summer means becoming a stay at home mom for two months--no lounging in the pool for hours or sleeping late; no running out to meet friends or sitting on the couch and reading uninterrupted. So, as this summer gets started, I have decided to create a "bucket list" of things I hope to accomplish this summer.

1) READ BOOKS
I love to read. I used to consider myself an avid reader. Now, I read maybe 1 book in 3 months, and only if that book really holds my interest. So, my goal this summer is to try and read 10 books. That's one book a week. If I can do more than that, awesome. If not, well, that's to be expected. If I can't even hit my 10 book goal? I'll be super disappointed in myself and my summer vacation.

2) GET A TAN
Yeah, yeah. I know. Tanning is bad for your skin. I'll wear sunscreen. I promise. But, I like being tan. To me, that means a summer well lived. Last year, the summer ended and I was barely a shade darker than I was when the summer started. This year, my kids are a little older, affording me a little more freedom during their naptime. That means I should have at least one solid hour of being able to sit outside and enjoy the summer weather...and work on my tan. This will also be the time that I get to read my books!

3) MAKE "ME" TIME
I want to make sure I take the time to do things like meet friends for lunch or dinner. I want to make sure that I take time to go to the mall or Target or even the grocery store alone. I especially want to go to Atlantic City and get my yearly massage with one of my best friends in the world. In fact, for over a year now I have been saying that I want a night alone in a hotel--no husband, no kids, no friends. Just me. I don't even have to go anywhere far or interesting. I can stay in the hotel right down the street. I just want a good night of quiet sleep with nothing to do but what I bring with me (read, knit) and no one to talk to--the ultimate me time. I have to remember that I have someone to watch my kids...I should take advantage of that.

4) CRAFT
I love to knit. I love to be creative. But, I don't seem to have time to do either. That is why I have a sweater for my daughter that is 75% done sitting in my bedroom and a box full of magnets from all over the world that are longing to be displayed. So, on my agenda this summer is to first, complete that sweater. Then, to put my magnets in shadow boxes to display them. After that, work on projects for a friend and a family member who are having babies. Finally, I want to start making preemie caps for the NICU again this year. If I get an early start, hopefully I can donate more than I did last year!

5) MAKE MEMORIES
I know that most of this list seems like things for me, me and more me. It makes it seem like I don't want to spend time with my family or kids. Neither could be further from the truth. In fact, I want to take my kids to fun places--like a petting zoo, or the beach, or to the boardwalk to ride on rides. I want to swim with them, to do messy things like finger painting or play with the water table. I want to visit family and friends, and see the people who matter most to me...I just want to make sure I carve out some space for me time.

I work damn hard all year...don't I deserve it?

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com

Calling All Long Lost friends

My husband and I stepped onto the How I Met Your Mother bandwagon late...as in during the 8th season, we finally sat down and watched seasons 1-7. That show got us through some of our most difficult days--bed rest while waiting for our twins to be born, an emergency c-section 7 weeks early, 5 days of hospital stay and 4 weeks of NICU time. Last night, we finally watched the last episode ever. When it was over, I was sad--I'm talking the last Harry Potter book & movie sad (and for those of you who are Harry Potter fans, you understand the depth of that sadness!). In fact, it's been weighing on my mind all day. And, it finally dawned on me why I'm so sad...it's not because the show is over (even though that does suck) and not because the show was what got us through some really rough days (thank you HIMYM, but I am so not nostalgic for those days), and not even because in some creepy way the characters almost felt like "friends" to me (I swear, I'm not a loser!), but because it resonated with me.

For those of you who watch, but haven't seen the final episode, you may want to skip this paragraph. Everyone else, you can keep reading... In the final episode, they take you from the night of Barney & Robin's wedding up until about 15 years later, showing little vignettes of everyone's life along the way. As time goes on, the friends see each other less and less and start to grow apart. That is why it made me so sad--not because they grew apart, but because it made me realize how many friends I've lost touch with along my way.

In particular, I think back to my early 20s. I was living in Manhattan and had a group of friends from college that I would see regularly. They were the ones I could call at 10:00 at night and ask to go with me to a movie in 15 minutes, or the ones who I would take as dates to family weddings, or the ones who I could sleep at their place and cry when I broke up with yet another loser, or the ones who would call me at 8:30 and ask me to meet them down the block for dinner in 10 minutes, or the ones I would see at least once a week just because we could. These were the friends I thought would be my forever friends.

Then one day, I woke up and realized that I hadn't seen them or spoken to them in months...and then years. That these "forever friends" were basically strangers now. Most of them have never met my husband and I haven't met any of their kids, nor have they mine. It makes me so very sad to think that these people, who were once so important in my life, are now memories--ghosts of my past.

There are days where I would give anything to go back to being 23, single, living in the city and having a blast with my friends. That doesn't mean I am not happy in my life now--it just means that I would love to still be so close with those friends. The reality is, I miss them. I may not think about them on a daily basis, but I miss them. I miss the friendship we once had. I miss the silly times we had together. I miss the ease we had with each other.

There are some friends who leave your life, and it's for the better. You don't miss them, you don't feel badly, you may think about them, but it's not in a wistful way. There are some friends who, throughout your life, come and go, but you can always pick up right where you left off, and often, end up closer for it. And, of course, there are always the friends who are a constant in your life. This is not about those friends. This is about those friends who fade away for no good reason--no fight, no falling out, no desire to stop being friends...it's the friends who get lost in the shuffle and you only realize that they're gone when it's too late.

Throughout my life, I've had plenty of "forever" friends, most of which I don't speak to anymore. Some of them I truly miss, and would love to see or speak to again. But, what holds me back is that I fear too much time has passed and we won't be able to relate to each other anymore or that it will be too awkward when we do see each other. So, here I sit...writing this blog post instead of reaching out to my old friends.

The reality is that we are scattered now. We were able to be so close all the time because we didn't have spouses, families, careers or distance separating us. We lived in the same city, some of us even in the same neighborhood. We could pick up and meet for dinner on a moment's notice because the only thing we had to be concerned with was ourselves. Now we live hours--or sometimes continents--apart. We have careers, spouses and families we have to think about. Our priorities are no longer what they were at 23. At the end of the day, when my kids are finally in bed, I'm too busy or too tired to talk on the phone. When I have the short window called "nap time" during my day, that's when I eat, shower, work or do chores. And, so, I know it's my fault that these friends have left my life. But that doesn't mean that I'm alright with it.

And despite the fact that I miss these people, the days, weeks, months and years pass. I continue to let the distance between us grow. The reality is that I may never speak to these friends again, and it's quite likely that I'll never see them again. And that reality makes me so very sad.

To all my long lost friends out there, I hope this post finds its way to you. And, I sincerely hope that you prove me wrong. I hope that I see you, and that it's like no time has passed. I hope that we can still laugh together, cry together and just be silly together. I hope I get to know your family, and you mine. And while we may not be able to meet up for a movie, dinner or just hanging out on the couch, I hope that we are able to see each other more than once a decade, or even once every year. Because despite the time and distance, I still care about all of you.

And, so, back to How I Met Your Mother. That last episode reminded me that a friendship is like a marriage--it takes work. Both parties have to put effort in for it to survive. Distance is not an excuse (I have many friends who live far away that I still speak to regularly and see whenever we can). Being busy is not an excuse. (Before I had kids, how many times did I say about my friends who were parents that they can take 5 minutes to write an email, send a text or make a quick phone call? Maybe I need to heed my own advice.) The reality is that that last episode made me so sad because I realized how many "forever friends" I've lost. I hope I don't lose any more. And, like I've said, I hope that one day I will see these lost friends again. And maybe, by some miracle, we can pick up where we left off.

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com

Remember When I Was Beautiful?

I wake up every morning and expect to see me in the mirror...you know, the me that has radiant, youthful skin. The me that has shiny, healthy hair. The me that has a tight 20-something body (who didn't appreciate it when I was 20-something and thought that even then my body was far from ideal), who looks great in all of my clothes. The me that doesn't have dark circles under my eyes and a perfect pedicure.

But, that's not what I see. I see me...the 35 year old mom of twins me. The me whose hair, even when flatironed, still looks vaguely frizzy. The me who always looks tired. The me who would be embarrassed to wear open-toed shoes because my pedicure is so very grown out. The me whose body is unrecognizable, who still looks 3 months pregnant most days...but hasn't been pregnant in over 14 months. The me who has to put on 2-3 outfits in the morning before I find one that makes me look like the me in my head...at least a little bit.

Honestly, I look at myself in the mirror and I get sad. If you were to look at me, I'm sure you wouldn't see what I see. You probably would think that I really don't look that much different than I did before I became a mom, and you probably would tell me that I'm lucky that I look the way I do for being a mom of twins. Rationally, I get that.

But, emotionally? Not so much. I look in the mirror and I literally think to myself, "Remember when I used to be beautiful?" I have voiced these words to my husband before--and, typically, he just looks at me like I'm crazy when I say this.

I think this is the problem with our society...or maybe just with me. Our standard of beauty is impossible to meet. Unless I quit my job, hired a full-time personal trainer, and didn't eat anything remotely sinful, I will never look like my 20-something self again. And, again, rationally, I know that. But, I can't wrap my head around it.

I'm a big proponent of aging gracefully--and I don't mind being 35. I certainly wouldn't want to be in my teens again, and I'm only vaguely wistful for my 20s, and only when I'm really missing my friends or sleeping late. The few grey hairs I have are badges of honor (unless my husband gets to them, and then he pulls them out of my head and they become garbage)--reminders that I have lived a full life so far, a life worth living. I love my little imperfections--like my strawberry birthmark on my stomach, or the mole on my chin--they are what make me unique. I don't have wrinkles, and I think I still look good for my age...I just don't feel like I look like me.

I love my c-section scar. That incision made me a mom. I wouldn't trade that for the world. But, I hate what my body looks like now. I used to have a waist...now I have a vague idea of where my waist used to be. I never had a muffin top before. Now, I could run a bakery with the amount of muffin top I have.  I have a hard time recognizing that maybe I need to buy a different size pants.

I don't write this for sympathy. I don't write this because I want you to say "You look great!" I write this because I want all of you out there who look in the mirror and think "Remember when I was beautiful?" to know you're not alone. I want to be reminded (and remember) that I'm still beautiful--I'm just not in my 20s anymore, and that's ok. Like I said, I like being in my 30s. I write this because I need to remember that my body looks the way it does because I grew two miracles--who make me laugh every day and who I wouldn't trade for anything. It's an honor to look the way I do--I earned this body through months of hard work growing two amazing little people.

I write this because I needed to. I hope that by getting these words down I can look in the mirror and think "I'm still beautiful"...and truly mean it.

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com

Best "Off the Beaten Path" Baby Books

If you've ever been to, or had, a baby shower, you know there are some baby books that are classics--you know, the ones that people will get at least 2 copies of, and that every child has read. You know the ones...Goodnight Moon, Love You Forever, Guess How Much I Love You, Cat in the Hat, The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See. They're beautiful books. They're classics for a reason.

But, that doesn't mean you want to be the one to give the same baby book as everyone else.

In my twins' first year, I found that these books, while enjoyable, are not actually their favorites. Their favorites are ones that are not well known. These are the best "off the beaten path" baby books (not in any particular order)...take it from me. Give these as a gift and you'll be a hit! (If you click on any image or any title it will take you directly to where you can purchase the book online.)

1) Elmo's Mother Goose - Think your classic Mother Goose nursery rhymes with a Sesame Street twist.  The rhymes are catchy, interesting, fun, and addicting. This was an instant hit with my kids!

2) Baa Baa Black Sheep - This twist on the classic nursery rhyme is adorable. It includes sheep from every color of the rainbow and encourages kids to use their powers of imagination and silliness. My kids can't get enough of it!

3) That's Not My Monkey - When we recently went to a dear friend's house, my kids discovered this book. My son made me reread it to him no less than 10 times in a row and my daughter couldn't stop touching the fuzzy tongue. When we got home, I searched for it--I finally found it at Buy Buy Baby. It's still a tremendous hit with my kids! This book is part of a whole "That's Not My..." series, with items ranging from dinosaurs to planes to penguins and more. Each book is a sensory wonderland as every page has something for the children to feel.

4) Who's Hiding -This adorable lift-the-flap book from Skip Hop is a story of a mama owl trying to find her missing baby owl. My kids love lifting the very durable flaps and the story is a cute read. An instant hit in my house!

5) Peek a Who - This book is a fun take on peek a boo--one page says "peek a" and the opposite page has a small cut-out showing a snippet of what is hiding. It includes peek a moo (with a cow), peek a boo (with a ghost), peek a zoo (with a menagerie), peek a choo choo (with a train) and peek a you (with a mirror). My kids can't get enough of this book every time I bring it out--they just keep wanting to re-read it and re-read it and re-read it! (And, I just found out they are coming out with a companion called "Peek a Zoo" (involves guessing the animals) in March! Preordering it! My kids will be so excited.)

6) Dear Zoo - Another great lift-the-flap book! This one tells the story of a boy who wrote to the zoo asking for a pet, but every animal they sent just wasn't quite right. Kids enjoy lifting the flaps to see what animal is hiding, while at the same time, they love hearing the cute story.

7) Ten Wiggly Wriggly Caterpillars - My mom found this book on a clearance rack when my kids were just 3 months old. Well, she certainly made out like a bandit with this one. Now that they can pick what books they want to read, this one is always one of the first chosen. The caterpillars are raised, and my kids love to touch them. As you flip each page and go through the story, one disappears, until there is one lonely caterpillar left. But, don't worry, this story has a happy ending!

8) Fishy Tails or Farm Tails - These are our two favorites in a series of books by Jellycat. The books have animals with textured tails that kids can touch, pull or chew on (my kids' favorite activity). These two books are my favorite because they tell a story. The other ones are simply descriptive (like fluffy tail and curly tail in Kitten Tails), but all of the books are adorable. My kids love to play with the tails--not always to read the stories, but they always enjoy the books.

9) Do Cows Meow - This is another lift the flap book--with big flaps that open to reveal animals' mouths. It is a silly rhyming story that teaches animal sounds. My kids love, love, love this book. In fact, my son loves it so much that the cow's mouth has been ripped off and reattached from so much use. We also just purchased the second book in this series, Do Crocs Kiss.

10) Bubbles Bubbles - We received this book as a hand-me-down. It was an instant hit. The Sesame Street characters and fun rhyming story made this something that they could engage in from about 5 months on. I loved it so much that I tried repeatedly to find it for friends, but it wasn't available on any of the major book websites. We then got a second copy as a gift (which is awesome because now each kid can have his/her own), so I did some more research. Finally I found it...at the dollar store. What a steal! One dollar for a book that might, seriously, be my kids' favorite book on this list? Best. Bargain. Ever. You can't buy it individually online (but you can in the dollar store), but you can buy a case of 24 (which includes Bubbles Bubbles, At The Zoo, Eyes, Nose Fingers and Toes, and Nighty Night--all books my kids enjoy) for $24 online at Dollar Tree. I have seriously considered doing this so that I have a stash of awesome baby books to give away!

ADDENDUM!!!

11) LMNO Peas - We just got this book. The first time I read it to my kids, they were hooked. My son literally cried for me to give it to him so he could listen to me read it again. Both of my kids were busy doing other things and stopped when I started reading this book. They both kept handing it to me to read again. It is a super cute alphabet story about peas. Yup, peas. It's a fun read with bright illustrations. I can see this one being a favorite for years to come!





Now, here are some of my kids' other favorite books which are not quite classics, but not quite obscure either. You run the risk of giving a duplicate book if you give these, but it's unlikely as they aren't super popular. Plus, these are books that my kids absolutely love.

1) But Not the Hippopotamus - Sandra Boynton is well known for her colorful, silly, catchy children's books. We have several Sandra Boynton books, but this one is, by far, their favorite. It's a funny story of a left out hippopotamus, who, in the end, finds acceptance (spoiler alert!). It's a super cute rhyme that my kids just can't get enough of.

2) Little Blue Truck - This one is quickly becoming more and more popular. When I first discovered it it was an adorable and obscure little children's book. It tells the story of a friendly pick up truck, a conceited dump truck, and lots of little animals. It has animal sounds, great illustrations and keeps my kids' attention. What more could you want?

3) Thank You Bear - This sweet story of sharing is a beautiful read. My kids have enjoyed it from the first time I read it to them, and it continues to be one of their favorites.

4) I Love You Stinky Face - Another book that is quickly becoming extremely popular. (I did get two copies of this one at my baby shower!) It's a funny story of a little boy testing his mom's love. The illustrations are great and the cadence of the story keeps little ones entertained. My kids love this book!

5) Big Dog, Little Dog - This was my absolute favorite book as a child. So, of course, I had to buy it for my kids. It's a tale of opposites. With brightly colored illustrations, it's a fun story that kids of all ages can enjoy.

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com

Paying it Forward -- Preemie Cap Style

As I mentioned previously, my twins were born 7 weeks early. As a result, they were in the NICU for nearly 4 weeks. My husband and I became very close with the NICU nurses, and we think of them, and our time there, often.

While my kids were in the NICU, they received some adorable knitted caps that had been donated. Since I am an avid knitter, I made preemie caps for my kids while they were there. The pattern was super easy--each cap takes about 2 hours from beginning to end--and I promised myself that one day, I would pay it forward and make preemie caps to donate to the NICU as a stashbuster, and as a good deed. (For all you non-knitters out there, stashbuster is when you do a project just to use up your leftover yarn from other projects!)

In October, I started thinking about the fact that my kids were turning 1 fairly soon. I wanted to do something bigger than a birthday party to commemorate the day. I felt that it was important to acknowledge and thank the NICU nurses who selflessly gave of themselves to nurse my babies to health. I decided it was time to cash in that promise to pay it forward, so I put out a call on facebook to all of my friends and family who knit and crochet that I was doing a preemie cap drive for the NICU and wanted to collect as many caps as I could before the kids' birthday. I wanted to drop them off at the NICU on their birthday, with a thank you note for the nurses and a recent picture of the kids.

I put all of my other projects on hold, dug out all of my non-allergenic stash yarns, and embarked on this project. I would have been happy to create 5 on my own, and maybe donate 10-15 total. Well, once I got on a roll, I got obsessed (like I do with many of my projects) and got more and more creative as the project went on. I ended up knitting 15 hats myself (photos of each one below), and received another 19 from friends and family. In total, I was able to donate 34 preemie caps to the NICU.

All of the preemie caps I made

I enjoyed this project so much, that I decided that I want to do it every year. I will knit a cap every now and again, whenever I have a few hours to spare and feel like I just want to knit something quick and easy. I hope that my friends and family will once again be generous with their time and yarn and help donate to this project. I hope to donate twice as many to the NICU this year as I did last year, and I hope that other friends and family members who knit or crochet will join in the project.

All of the caps I donated

Hopefully the parents who are going through the same difficult journey that we did will get an ounce of comfort from the lovingly crafted handknit caps that their babies will receive. Hopefully, when their healthy child comes home, they will put the cap in a special place--just like I did with the caps my twins received--to take out once in a while to remember how far they've come and how lucky they were to have the most amazing, caring, attentive NICU nurses.

Click me for the preemie cap pattern if you knit and want to donate some to your local NICU!

Close ups of all of the caps I made:


        

    

    

    

      

Love,

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com