My husband and I stepped onto the How I Met Your Mother bandwagon late...as in during the 8th season, we finally sat down and watched seasons 1-7. That show got us through some of our most difficult days--bed rest while waiting for our twins to be born, an emergency c-section 7 weeks early, 5 days of hospital stay and 4 weeks of NICU time. Last night, we finally watched the last episode ever. When it was over, I was sad--I'm talking the last Harry Potter book & movie sad (and for those of you who are Harry Potter fans, you understand the depth of that sadness!). In fact, it's been weighing on my mind all day. And, it finally dawned on me why I'm so sad...it's not because the show is over (even though that does suck) and not because the show was what got us through some really rough days (thank you HIMYM, but I am so not nostalgic for those days), and not even because in some creepy way the characters almost felt like "friends" to me (I swear, I'm not a loser!), but because it resonated with me.
For those of you who watch, but haven't seen the final episode, you may want to skip this paragraph. Everyone else, you can keep reading... In the final episode, they take you from the night of Barney & Robin's wedding up until about 15 years later, showing little vignettes of everyone's life along the way. As time goes on, the friends see each other less and less and start to grow apart. That is why it made me so sad--not because they grew apart, but because it made me realize how many friends I've lost touch with along my way.
In particular, I think back to my early 20s. I was living in Manhattan and had a group of friends from college that I would see regularly. They were the ones I could call at 10:00 at night and ask to go with me to a movie in 15 minutes, or the ones who I would take as dates to family weddings, or the ones who I could sleep at their place and cry when I broke up with yet another loser, or the ones who would call me at 8:30 and ask me to meet them down the block for dinner in 10 minutes, or the ones I would see at least once a week just because we could. These were the friends I thought would be my forever friends.
Then one day, I woke up and realized that I hadn't seen them or spoken to them in months...and then years. That these "forever friends" were basically strangers now. Most of them have never met my husband and I haven't met any of their kids, nor have they mine. It makes me so very sad to think that these people, who were once so important in my life, are now memories--ghosts of my past.
There are days where I would give anything to go back to being 23, single, living in the city and having a blast with my friends. That doesn't mean I am not happy in my life now--it just means that I would love to still be so close with those friends. The reality is, I miss them. I may not think about them on a daily basis, but I miss them. I miss the friendship we once had. I miss the silly times we had together. I miss the ease we had with each other.
There are some friends who leave your life, and it's for the better. You don't miss them, you don't feel badly, you may think about them, but it's not in a wistful way. There are some friends who, throughout your life, come and go, but you can always pick up right where you left off, and often, end up closer for it. And, of course, there are always the friends who are a constant in your life. This is not about those friends. This is about those friends who fade away for no good reason--no fight, no falling out, no desire to stop being friends...it's the friends who get lost in the shuffle and you only realize that they're gone when it's too late.
Throughout my life, I've had plenty of "forever" friends, most of which I don't speak to anymore. Some of them I truly miss, and would love to see or speak to again. But, what holds me back is that I fear too much time has passed and we won't be able to relate to each other anymore or that it will be too awkward when we do see each other. So, here I sit...writing this blog post instead of reaching out to my old friends.
The reality is that we are scattered now. We were able to be so close all the time because we didn't have spouses, families, careers or distance separating us. We lived in the same city, some of us even in the same neighborhood. We could pick up and meet for dinner on a moment's notice because the only thing we had to be concerned with was ourselves. Now we live hours--or sometimes continents--apart. We have careers, spouses and families we have to think about. Our priorities are no longer what they were at 23. At the end of the day, when my kids are finally in bed, I'm too busy or too tired to talk on the phone. When I have the short window called "nap time" during my day, that's when I eat, shower, work or do chores. And, so, I know it's my fault that these friends have left my life. But that doesn't mean that I'm alright with it.
And despite the fact that I miss these people, the days, weeks, months and years pass. I continue to let the distance between us grow. The reality is that I may never speak to these friends again, and it's quite likely that I'll never see them again. And that reality makes me so very sad.
To all my long lost friends out there, I hope this post finds its way to you. And, I sincerely hope that you prove me wrong. I hope that I see you, and that it's like no time has passed. I hope that we can still laugh together, cry together and just be silly together. I hope I get to know your family, and you mine. And while we may not be able to meet up for a movie, dinner or just hanging out on the couch, I hope that we are able to see each other more than once a decade, or even once every year. Because despite the time and distance, I still care about all of you.
And, so, back to How I Met Your Mother. That last episode reminded me that a friendship is like a marriage--it takes work. Both parties have to put effort in for it to survive. Distance is not an excuse (I have many friends who live far away that I still speak to regularly and see whenever we can). Being busy is not an excuse. (Before I had kids, how many times did I say about my friends who were parents that they can take 5 minutes to write an email, send a text or make a quick phone call? Maybe I need to heed my own advice.) The reality is that that last episode made me so sad because I realized how many "forever friends" I've lost. I hope I don't lose any more. And, like I've said, I hope that one day I will see these lost friends again. And maybe, by some miracle, we can pick up where we left off.
Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com
For those of you who watch, but haven't seen the final episode, you may want to skip this paragraph. Everyone else, you can keep reading... In the final episode, they take you from the night of Barney & Robin's wedding up until about 15 years later, showing little vignettes of everyone's life along the way. As time goes on, the friends see each other less and less and start to grow apart. That is why it made me so sad--not because they grew apart, but because it made me realize how many friends I've lost touch with along my way.
In particular, I think back to my early 20s. I was living in Manhattan and had a group of friends from college that I would see regularly. They were the ones I could call at 10:00 at night and ask to go with me to a movie in 15 minutes, or the ones who I would take as dates to family weddings, or the ones who I could sleep at their place and cry when I broke up with yet another loser, or the ones who would call me at 8:30 and ask me to meet them down the block for dinner in 10 minutes, or the ones I would see at least once a week just because we could. These were the friends I thought would be my forever friends.
Then one day, I woke up and realized that I hadn't seen them or spoken to them in months...and then years. That these "forever friends" were basically strangers now. Most of them have never met my husband and I haven't met any of their kids, nor have they mine. It makes me so very sad to think that these people, who were once so important in my life, are now memories--ghosts of my past.
There are days where I would give anything to go back to being 23, single, living in the city and having a blast with my friends. That doesn't mean I am not happy in my life now--it just means that I would love to still be so close with those friends. The reality is, I miss them. I may not think about them on a daily basis, but I miss them. I miss the friendship we once had. I miss the silly times we had together. I miss the ease we had with each other.
There are some friends who leave your life, and it's for the better. You don't miss them, you don't feel badly, you may think about them, but it's not in a wistful way. There are some friends who, throughout your life, come and go, but you can always pick up right where you left off, and often, end up closer for it. And, of course, there are always the friends who are a constant in your life. This is not about those friends. This is about those friends who fade away for no good reason--no fight, no falling out, no desire to stop being friends...it's the friends who get lost in the shuffle and you only realize that they're gone when it's too late.
Throughout my life, I've had plenty of "forever" friends, most of which I don't speak to anymore. Some of them I truly miss, and would love to see or speak to again. But, what holds me back is that I fear too much time has passed and we won't be able to relate to each other anymore or that it will be too awkward when we do see each other. So, here I sit...writing this blog post instead of reaching out to my old friends.
The reality is that we are scattered now. We were able to be so close all the time because we didn't have spouses, families, careers or distance separating us. We lived in the same city, some of us even in the same neighborhood. We could pick up and meet for dinner on a moment's notice because the only thing we had to be concerned with was ourselves. Now we live hours--or sometimes continents--apart. We have careers, spouses and families we have to think about. Our priorities are no longer what they were at 23. At the end of the day, when my kids are finally in bed, I'm too busy or too tired to talk on the phone. When I have the short window called "nap time" during my day, that's when I eat, shower, work or do chores. And, so, I know it's my fault that these friends have left my life. But that doesn't mean that I'm alright with it.
And despite the fact that I miss these people, the days, weeks, months and years pass. I continue to let the distance between us grow. The reality is that I may never speak to these friends again, and it's quite likely that I'll never see them again. And that reality makes me so very sad.
To all my long lost friends out there, I hope this post finds its way to you. And, I sincerely hope that you prove me wrong. I hope that I see you, and that it's like no time has passed. I hope that we can still laugh together, cry together and just be silly together. I hope I get to know your family, and you mine. And while we may not be able to meet up for a movie, dinner or just hanging out on the couch, I hope that we are able to see each other more than once a decade, or even once every year. Because despite the time and distance, I still care about all of you.
And, so, back to How I Met Your Mother. That last episode reminded me that a friendship is like a marriage--it takes work. Both parties have to put effort in for it to survive. Distance is not an excuse (I have many friends who live far away that I still speak to regularly and see whenever we can). Being busy is not an excuse. (Before I had kids, how many times did I say about my friends who were parents that they can take 5 minutes to write an email, send a text or make a quick phone call? Maybe I need to heed my own advice.) The reality is that that last episode made me so sad because I realized how many "forever friends" I've lost. I hope I don't lose any more. And, like I've said, I hope that one day I will see these lost friends again. And maybe, by some miracle, we can pick up where we left off.
Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com
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