You Are Not Alone

"You Are Not Alone." That is the theme of this year's National Infertility Awareness Week. Those words...those four little words. They are SO very important. You. Are. Not. Alone. For a long while now, I've been toying with the idea of writing this post. Infertility...it's such a lonely, difficult road to travel. Sadly, most people don't discuss their experiences, so those who live through it typically feel like they are battling it alone. How do I know this? I was there. And, it's time for me to share my story in the hopes that other people who are going through this painful journey feel a little less alone.

I'm not going to run through every detail of my journey. There's no need to rip off those scabs or to open old wounds. But, I will tell you the short version...it took three years. Three long years. Three long, painful years. When my husband and I started trying, I expected to get pregnant quickly. When I still wasn't pregnant after 6 months, I started to worry. When I still wasn't pregnant after a year, I started to get downright crazy. When I went to a fertility doctor, who told me that he didn't know why my husband and I couldn't conceive (and, by the way, we still don't know), I was frustrated, angry, and very sad. When, month after month, I had failed IUIs, I questioned myself...I questioned my body. I hated my body--it was betraying me. I wondered why I was "broken" and what was wrong with me. I expected that IVF would be our solution--and I expected it to work on the first shot. So, when my first IVF failed, I was an absolute mess.

I'm one of the lucky ones. There was a light at the end of my story, a happy ending for me. I remember being in the doctor's office for my second IVF transfer. My amazing doctor looked at me and said, "I give this a 100% chance of working." I asked him for that in writing (with a smile on my face, of course), and he playfully refused. But, I held onto that hope. As I felt my body changing in the first two weeks after the transfer, I attributed it to the shots I was giving myself. I refused to give into the possibility that it worked this time because I was shielding myself from the pain I knew could, very realistically, be coming my way. I remember the day that I was getting my results. I refused to check my phone all day. When the end of the school day came, I locked my classroom door and checked my messages. I heard these four magical words: "Congratulations! You are pregnant." I didn't even listen to the rest of the message. I literally collapsed to the floor in tears. I called my husband and told him that we were having a baby, and he cried as well. I am not a cryer--at least not at things like this. I still tear up when I remember that moment, and yes, I do still have that message saved on my phone.

I will tell you this. If you let it, infertility will destroy you. As I was going through this pain, I had friend after friend around me get pregnant. At first, as each of these friends announced their news, I would pull away from them and start to distance myself. Then, one of my closest friends at work announced her pregnancy. I felt myself pulling away. But, I knew that I loved her, and that I didn't want to ruin our friendship. So, I sucked up my pain, pushed it aside, and made every effort to be happy for her and be her friend. (I'm happy to tell you that she and I are still very close friends.) As I was going through the first year of infertility, I was outright mean to my husband. I mean, MEAN. I was snappy, nasty, and always on the edge. One day I made a conscious decision--I could either live my life and enjoy it, or I could wallow in misery and let it destroy me. I chose to live, and enjoy life. That didn't mean that I didn't feel the pain. It just meant that I would feel it, acknowledge it, cry if I needed to, and let it go.

Another word of advice...avoid social media when you can. It's heartbreaking to see people posting their pregnancies on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I can still vividly remember the day when five of my "friends," in one day, announced their pregnancies via Facebook. I walked into my husband's home office and melted into a puddle of tears. I still tear up when I think about it. In fact, it affected me so much that I never announced my pregnancy on social media. I never wanted to be that person who hurt someone else going through their own infertility journey.

I'll tell you, this is a pain that never goes away. Despite having successfully made it to the other end of this very rocky road, my heart still breaks every time I hear someone announce they are pregnant. It still stings when people talk about how they "just got pregnant by accident," or "we weren't even trying!" It kills me when I see people who are so unfit for parenthood popping out child after child, only to abuse, neglect, or otherwise harm that child. People who criticize IVF or other scientific methods for reaching parenthood still bring tears to my eyes. When I heard about the comments Dolce & Gabbana made about IVF babies being "synthetic babies," it took all of my willpower not to weep all over myself on my drive to work. How could anyone call my two beautiful, spunky, funny, smart, curious, loving little miracles "synthetic?" Shame on them. Shame on anyone who would make someone battling their own fertility--their own body--feel less than complete.

I look back, and, as crazy as this sounds, in some ways, I'm glad for this journey. For one thing, it forced me to draw on reserves of strength that I had no idea even existed. For another, it gave my husband and me a few years to travel the world before we had kids. Lastly, my husband and I have gone through hell and back together...there's nothing that can tear a marriage apart, or in our case, make it strong as steel as infertility can. For these things I am thankful. For my beautiful babies, I am thankful. And, I am thankful that I lived this, because now I am able to share my story, and, hopefully, bring some comfort to future moms-and-dads-to-be taking their first lonely, scary steps on this road.

If you want to talk, or just need someone to listen, reach out to me at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com. I'll get back to you, personally, as soon as I possibly can. If you have a friend or family member who is facing infertility, this helpful list gives you some great ways to offer your support.

To learn more, please visit these links:
What is Infertilty?
National Infertility Awareness Week

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com

Our Top Picks for Spring

Spring has sprung! After a long, cold Northeastern winter, Lauren and Stacy couldn't be happier. Of course, the warm weather means coming out of months of hibernation and exercising our muscles...and wallets. All of the new buds on the trees reminds us that we should add some new buds to our wardrobes as well!

This season's picks are the perfect mix of transition pieces from winter to spring and from spring to summer--guaranteed to brighten your wardrobe and your mood! But, it seems as if this long winter has got the two of us all mixed up...you'll see lots of stripes in Lauren's picks, yet none in Stacy's (who is the self proclaimed queen of stripes!) and lots of accessories in Stacy's picks, yet a surprising dearth of accessories in Lauren's! I guess that's what happens after 30+ years...best friends do tend to rub off on one another.

So, check out our picks below. At prices under $25, $50, & $75, these little spring pick-me-ups will be certain to brighten your day, and wardrobe, without breaking the bank! Remember, if you click on the "Polaroid," it will take you directly to the website for the item.

Happy spring & happy shopping!

UNDER $25:

1) It should come as no surprise that I love a statement necklace! I also love coral. (A little secret...that is one of the colors for my summer wedding! Shhh!) Personally, I'm a huge fan of finding a less expensive statement necklace that is seasonal, fresh, and can update any outfit in my closet. So, I was pleased as punch to find this beauty from Francesca's Collection for $14.99. Can you say steal?

2) Hello spring... If you are from the Northeast like us you have been plagued with a long, long, long, snowy winter. Now that the weather is finally turning warm, it's time your legs got out there and said hello to the world again! These shorts are perfect for running errands as temperatures start to creep up the thermometer. They would also be wonderful for a day out on the town with your gals or that date night in the warmer weather! Just add some cute wedges or strappy sandals and you are ready to go! These are only $20 at Old Navy...but, you can find some other colors of the same shorts for as cheap as $12.99! I just prefer the olive...you know that pieces in my closet need to be versatile!

UNDER $50:

3) Helllooooooo fuschia! (Insert sexy growl here.) These sandals from Old Navy instantly caught my attention. The style is so versatile--it's a strappy wedge. Where can you go wrong with that? Plus, the heel height would be perfect for running around all day--even right into a date night! The price, at $26.94, is fantastic, so you won't feel a twinge of guilt adding them to your shoe collection!

4) Aqua? My second favorite color. And, here's another secret...it's the second accent color for my wedding. This top...swoon. I love it! When I saw this top from New York & Company, I knew it had to be on my list. The fact that it's only $34.95 sealed the deal! It's a great pop of color to an otherwise neutral outfit, and it's the kind of shade that is beautiful for any skin tone, any complexion. There is also a softness to the fabric, which will be lovely for those warmer days! Wear this under a jacket (like the one below) or sweater on the cooler spring days, or on it's own when the weather is warmer.

5) We all know that spring weather can be fickle--one day it's in the 70s, next it's in the 50s. This blazer from Target is the perfect piece to solve this problem! It's stylish and keeps you perfectly warm during the cooler days and nights. I'm loving this light gray--it's a perfect spring color that will compliment any outfit you're wearing! It's also the kind of jacket that's perfect with jeans and ballet flats for the weekend, and with a dress or pants for work. I love that it's tailored but edgy! At $34.99, you will enjoy it too!

6) Whenever I see a flower print, I am immediately reminded of these shorts I had when I was a teenager. I loved those shorts. I have a distinct memory of wearing those shorts the first day I ever went to summer camp. I spent many years at that camp and it's still one of my favorite places on Earth! That camp, and this flower print, make me think of one of my best friends, who I miss dearly. Any print that can invoke that much memory and love belongs in my closet. Oh...and it's a pencil skirt. Yes. Please. Find this beauty at New York and Company--it's only $46.95!

7) I own these red pants, and they are AMAZING! Whenever I wear them, I get so many compliments. The first time I tried them on at White House Black Market, they fit my body perfectly, hugged in all the right places, and the Man loved them! These pants are bright, so you won't be able to fade into the background in them, but you won't need to. You will feel so sassy whenever you wear them--and who doesn't need to feel a little sassy every now and then? These beauties are only $39.99.

UNDER $75:

8) I love jeans for weekends. Who doesn't? This pair from New York & Company will carry you perfectly from spring into summer. The color is light and bright--very springy! While dark jeans are always classic, the light jeans are better for the warmer weather. At $64.95, this pair will be your new wardrobe staple for morning errands or for picnics in the gorgeous weather!

9) I love stripes. (Like we said above...Stacy and I must be rubbing off on each other!) This lightweight spring top is perfect for this time of year. The button details down the back are so lovely! This top is perfect for work (throw a blazer over it if you need to be more conservative), date night, girls' night, or just a fun weekend road trip. When I saw this at The Loft for $59.50,  I thought it would be perfect for me--I like clothes that I can get lots of use out of. No wasted money here! This piece is one I can certainly see myself getting a lot of use out of.

10) I mentioned I love stripes, right?!?! I have lots of striped shirts and a few striped dresses, so I'm super excited to add this one to my collection! It's not your plain old striped dress. I love that this one has the stripes running in two different directions on the top and skirt of the dress--it definitely sets the dress apart from the pack! This dress is just calling my name. I can see it being the perfect wardrobe addition for so many outings and for work! All I need to do is adjust my shoes and accessories and this dress will transition perfectly from day to night. I can even throw a blazer or sweater over it and wear it on chilly days or pair it with tights and wear it into the fall. Find this awesome piece at The Loft for $69.50. 

UNDER $25:

1) To me, espadrilles are the quintessential warm weather shoe. They are adorable, lightweight, and perfect for pants, jeans, skirts, or shorts. (As long as you are going for the casual look, of course!) Oh, and did I mention comfy? That might be the biggest selling point! I love this modern take on this classic shoe from the J.Crew Outlet. This espadrille is a chambray espadrille--the hottest fabric going over the past few years! At just $22.50, you can add this great spring addition to your wardrobe without busting your budget!

2) Lace is really in right now (which I said in our Top 10 for summer post!), and I'm all about the lace trend. I love any material that can be feminine and/or edgy at the same time. Plus, clothing with special detail? A total winner in my book. I particularly love this little top from H&M. Why do I love it? It's got the perfect amount of lace--just a little inset to give the top some intrigue--and it's a great layering piece, which is perfect for spring weather. You can put this beauty on under a blazer for work, under a cardigan for play, or, wear it by itself if you're going out on the town. You can find this steal for just $24.95!

3) This bangle might be my new favorite jewelry piece (except for maybe the bangle duo below...). I love the crystal detail, I love the chevron pattern (who doesn't love a classic pattern redone in a new and interesting way?), I love that it looks like two bracelets (instant arm stack!), and I love that it's only $14.50. Yeah, you read that right! I found this awesome piece at the J.Crew Outlet and knew immediately that it had to be mine. This is a perfect year round piece--there are no jewels that are brightly colored to signify a spring/summer accessory (or dark colors for winter/fall), and it's as perfect with a spring dress as it is with a warm winter sweater (which, personally, I am SO thankful to be done with!). Totally worth every (affordable) penny!

UNDER $50:

4) I love me some heels. (We all know that!) But, to me, nude pumps are made for the spring. This peep-toe version is a classic made better. It is perfect for this time of year--open enough to show off your (finally) pedicured toes, but not so open that your feet will freeze in the typical 60 degree weather. (At least that's our typical spring weather in the Northeast!) I found these beauties at Famous Footwear...for only $29.99!!!

5) I bought this chambray shirt from the Gap a few weeks ago. It was a total step out of my comfort zone for me, but from the moment I saw it, all I could picture was myself wearing it with a white t-shirt underneath and my brightly colored (coral! Hmmm...I guess Lauren's influence really is rubbing off on me!) skinny jeans. I picked it up for $42 and never looked back. The first time I wore it (it was to work, so instead of coral jeans, I paired it with red skinny pants...no not the same ones Lauren featured in her top 10, but, again...no surprise we are on the same wavelength!) I got tons of compliments. I am so excited about this wardrobe staple that will surely grace my closet for years to come!

6) Ok, so I am OBSESSED with the Sloan skinny pants from Banana Republic. (And, I'm not just talking a mild obsession here...I have, I think, 13 pairs. Seriously...orange, red, dark green, light tan, regular tan, camel, black, grey, purple, chambray blue color, light blue, royal blue, navy blue...I don't think I missed any colors! Did I mention I'm obsessed?) These are the most flattering pants in the world, and also the most comfortable. I am not kidding when I say that I wear these pants 9 out of every 10 work days. (No, seriously not kidding.) So, when I saw this adorable crop version with zipper pockets and zippers at the leg opening, I loved them. When I saw that they were only $49.50, I knew I had to have them! Cropped pants are the perfect spring pant--long enough to keep you warm when chilly, short enough to keep you cool when warm. These would be great with ballet flats, loafers, or heels! Depending on your top and accessories, you could wear them to work, on a date, or for going out with friends. Totally versatile...and totally worth every penny!

7) Since this bangle set first showed up on BaubleBar, I have been eyeing it. I kept telling myself I didn't need it, though, and then it disappeared off the site and I was super sad. Then...like magic...it came back! Of course I knew it was fate and felt that I had to add it to my collection. I love that at first glance, it just looks like two simple gold bangles with a little etching detail. At closer inspection, you see that it's the phases of the moon on one bangle and stars on the other. Totally magical, right? It reminds me that the days are longer and the nights warmer in the spring--perfect for stargazing. Plus, I like that it's sophisticated, yet still whimsical. This set is incredibly versatile--wear them together as a set, or separate them and either pair them with other bracelets to create some arm candy, or wear one alone when going for simple accessories. And, at $38 for two bangles, how could you go wrong? 

UNDER $75:

8) I love a good fit and flare dress. It's flattering on every body shape--slims your waist, instant curves--what more could a girl want? I especially love this one. It has eyelet detail (like I said with the lace shirt, I love clothing items that have special detail!) that gives it "stripes" without having actual stripes. (See, I did sneak some stripes in this season's top 10!) I also love that this dress is 3/4 sleeves, which is perfect for fall. It will keep you warm enough on the chilly days, but like the cropped pants, also keep you cool as the weather heats up. This dress would also look adorable under a blazer for work or play! This dress from the Gap comes in black (shown here, which I prefer) or white, and is only $55.99.

9) Ok, so funny that Lauren mentioned how floral patterns bring her back to this one pair of shorts she had when she was a teenager. That is exactly what I thought when I first laid eyes on this dress. Bold floral patterns like this one bring me back to my early teen years as well (particularly one black skirt with big orangey-red flowers that I loved--I remember wearing it with tall black boots and feeling so very sophisticated!). The fashion of the early '90s prominently featured bold floral patterns. This is a style that keeps coming back time and again--and each time I love it. It's so feminine and beautiful! I also love the cut and drape of this dress--it reminds me of something you'd have seen in the 1950s, very classic and very classy. This dress from ModCloth is great for the spring and will easily transition to the summer. Everything about it screams warm weather--the pattern, the color, the weight of the material, the cut of the dress--perfect for a night out with the girls, a bridal shower (spring is totally the season for those!), a date night, or, even work. At $54.99, it will make a great addition to my wardrobe!

10) Ok...I know the old "fashion rule" says no white before Memorial Day. I say to hell with that. Wear white year round if you want to! But, I especially think that once the weather is warm, it's just fine to wear white. I love everything about this white linen blazer from the J.Crew Outlet. Linen is a perfect transitional fabric, plus it's timeless. This blazer would be great with a pair of dress pants for the cooler days, or over a dress for the warmer days (like the dress above!). A good, tailored, well-made blazer is a must for every girl's wardrobe. At $74, this piece is sure to become a wardrobe go-to, and a staple in your wardrobe for many years to come. 

We hope you enjoy our spring finds. Now...go shop (and then go outside and get some fresh air!)!

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com

Where I've Been

I know we've been a little lax in posting on the blog. Partly it's my fault. I became a little self involved in my life. For those who actually know me, that has never happened before. Well, I'm ready to share with the world why....

Most of my friends already know this story, but for those who don't know me and follow this blog (the one of you...) here is where I've been for the last year.

For the entirety of my adult life, I was the quintessential single gal. I watched as my friends found their loves, married, had children, and moved on. I participated happily in those life events, always wondering if that would ever happen for me. I hated feeling like I was missing something, but I also wasn't willing to settle.  I also wasn't truly happy with my life. We, as humans, rarely say that out loud. To say you're unhappy is unheard of. If you do, someone can look at you and say, "You are unhappy? For what reason? You are young, healthy, have a good job."  Also, to admit to unhappiness, is almost like admitting to defeat. However, I have never been one of those people to just idly sit by, so I realized that if I was unhappy, I'm the only person who has the power to make myself happy.  So I saw a counselor, I worked a lot on myself, and made the decision that maybe I just wasn't meant to find anyone, that my life was going to be the way it was--fulfilled with friends and family, but missing a piece.

I told my friends this and they pish poshed what I said; they were confident I was meant to be with someone. I was not so easily convinced. I guess I also didn't want to get my hopes up, so I made some sarcastic joke and changed the subject. Yes, I am the queen of sarcasm, and, yes, I know it was a defense mechanism.

Then I lost my grandmother. Her death caught me off guard; it was pretty sudden. She had always been so strong, vibrant, the matriarch of my family, and although we didn't always see eye to eye, I loved her fiercely. She wanted nothing more for me than to find the person I was supposed to marry and start a family. When she passed, I felt lost again and I couldn't figure out why.  Fast forward to four months after she passed to me hysterically crying to one of my best friends and saying the words that I couldn't say, but what had been a dark hole in my heart since she passed... "that she would never see me marry." As soon as I said that out loud, a weight lifted off my shoulders. I also made the decision at that moment, that I had to stop moping around--she would not want that. I realized I had to be open again, stop saying no, and shutting myself off. Over the next few months I worked on letting my grief go. At a girls' night In that I hosted, my friends convinced me to go back on match.com and be proactive in finding someone.

After Valentine's Day, 2014, I made the decision to really dive into emailing some guys on the site, and see what came of it. This time, I tried to stay positive. I was emailing with one guy, when I read the profile of another. This other guy came up in a search I did and I clicked on him because his user name was "devildog" something. I thought that meant he was a Devils fan...I was wrong.  I started looking at his profile and his stats that are at the top of his profile, (if you've ever been on an internet dating site, you know that up top they put a person's stats: age, height, body type, religion, etc.) were not things I normally go for.... but something told me to keep reading.  So I did. What I found was someone funny, cute and I was hooked. I sat down and typed, and then retyped, an email to him. It took me a little while to get it right; I was trying so hard to be engaging and funny so that he would want to write me back. With a deep breath I hit send and went on with my day. Honestly, outside of a few random guys over the years, internet dating did not yield a lot of success for me.

Two hours later, he wrote back. Over the next few hours, we wrote email after email to each other, switched to gchat, then by the end of the day, we had a date planned for later in the week!!! We spent the next few days talking over email and gchat and eventually texting. It was a wonderful first date, not that it was spectacularly unique, rather, we spent 5 hours talking and laughing. By the end of the night, we had another date lined up for the next night. I was smitten.

Our relationship started fast, we spent most of our time together over the next six weeks. My plans revolved around his, I became that girl. I knew it was happening, but honestly, I just didn't care.

Was it love at first sight? No. It was definitely like at first sight, and love didn't take that long to appear. He and I grew as a couple; we spent all our time together and that missing puzzle piece of my life had finally been found. (I know, so cliched...)

Ten months later, he asked me to marry him, in the most perfect of ways. It was a private perfect moment between he and I and then we were able to immediately celebrate with my parents and friends, and then with his family and friends two days later. (We went to his home state for Christmas)

We will be married this summer, and of course, Stacy will be my Matron of Honor. I'm toying with the idea of posting some of the planning I'm doing on the blog, but don't want to force my wedding on our limited readership.

I can't wait for all the new adventures to come. I know that it won't always be perfect, and that I can't predict what will happen, but I also know that I have found the person I am supposed to be with. I know my grandmother would have loved him, and that makes me sad and happy all rolled into one.

So...yeah, that's where I've been, up in the air, near the clouds...happy as can be.

Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com