Sometimes, I look back at the past year and it's a blur. Diapers, spit-up, sleepless nights... Other times I can't believe a year has gone by so fast and that my babies are already a year old--there were so many amazing moments in this past year. Becoming a mom has changed me in ways I've never imagined...and taught me so much about myself and about life.
LESSON 1: THINGS DON'T GO AS PLANNED
When my husband and I decided to start a family, I really believed that it would be easy. We figured that I would get pregnant in the month we wanted, then we would have the baby in the month we wanted, making for an ideal maternity leave. I was wrong--very wrong. Three years and a lot of heartache later, I finally found out I was pregnant...with twins. To say we were overjoyed would be putting it mildly. Of course, we started to make plans. Things like, "We don't need a bassinet in our room. The babies will sleep in their cribs from the day they come home from the hospital." (They didn't.) Or like, "I'm not going to let my kids watch any TV until they are at least 6 months old, preferably a year." (That lasted two months.) Or, "I know there's a higher occurrence of preemie births with twins, but I plan on going at 38 weeks." (They were 7 weeks early.) The most valuable lesson I can take away from this? THE BABY MAKES THE PLANS, NOT YOU, SO BE FLEXIBLE!
LESSON 2: DON'T JUDGE
Ok, I'll admit it. Before I had kids, I was one of those women who would judge the choices other people made with their kids. After all, I had loads of experience with kids--I come from a big family. My youngest aunt is only 9 1/2 years older than me, and she had five kids of her own--the oldest came when I was 17. I have a copious amount of dear friends who had children before I did. I've played the role of babysitter many, many times. So, of course, in my mind, that made me qualified to comment on people's parenting choices. In short, I was a naive ass. I quickly learned that while I did have some knowledge from my babysitting experiences, being a parent is an incredibly different thing than being someone's babysitter. I used to judge people who let their children sleep in bed with them. Until my children were 4 or 5 months old, I would repeatedly take them into bed with me, just so that we could all get a little sleep. I used to judge people who would put their kids on the phone when people called...until I realized that all my children want when I'm on the phone is to grab it from me and play with it. I used to judge people who, in the middle of a phone conversation with me, would stop and say something to their kid...now I'm guilty of that all the time. I used to judge other moms for lots of things...but, now that I'm a mom, all I can say is SOMETIMES, YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO SURVIVE, SO DON'T JUDGE IT UNTIL YOU'VE LIVED IT!
LESSON 3: YOU CAN DO IT...BUT YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL
You have no idea how many people ask me how I manage to have twins, have a career, write a blog, knit, read and have time for family and friends. It's very simple...you deal with whatever life gives you. Plus, I never had a single baby. This is all I've known, so, to me, this is normal! But, I also learned a very valuable lesson in having children. When I was pregnant, I was adamant that I didn't want a baby nurse, nanny or other help when the babies came home from the hospital. I thought, "They're my children, it's my responsibility to get up with them during the night and to take care of them during the day--I don't need or want help." I quickly learned that I needed help. Thank goodness for my family--who all live nearby and pitched in a hand, and thank goodness for good childcare. (Also thank goodness for the fact that my kids are getting older and it's easier to watch them on my own now!) Don't be too hard on yourself--YOU MIGHT BE A SUPER MOM, BUT YOU'RE NOT SUPERWOMAN...AND THAT'S OKAY.
LESSON 4: IT'S DIFFERENT WHEN IT'S YOURS
Before I had kids, I used to watch my friends with kids and think, "I really want this?!" (With fear!) I especially thought that when I was pregnant, and that really scared me...because there was no turning back at that point. I had no idea how I was going to handle the fact that I would have no free time. I had no idea how I was going to handle sleepless nights. I had no idea how I was going to give up sleeping late on weekends. I had no idea how I was going to handle having to selflessly give up all of me to someone else (or two someones!). I especially had no idea how I was going to handle poop, (I would gag when my friends would change their kids' diapers around me or if I had to change my friends' kids poop.) or spit-up (vomit typically makes me want to vomit). The minute I got my babies home, I learned that when it's your kid, you don't mind giving up your free time--because they are your favorite hobby, pastime, activity and entertainment all in one. When it's your kid, poop, pee and spit-up don't bother you because, well, it's your kid. One of the most important things I've learned this past year? YOUR CHILDREN WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING ...AND YOU WON'T MIND.
LESSON 5: EMBRACE THE LITTLE THINGS
(And the little people!) I can remember the first night my husband and I spent alone with our twins...we slept downstairs on the couches with them in their bouncy seats front of us, because we were so nervous! My son didn't want to sleep unless he was sleeping on me. If I got 1 hour of sleep that night, I got a lot. It was one of my worst nights as a parent. It was also one of my best. I know...that doesn't make sense. But, I got to snuggle him all night. He slept on me--which he used to do all the time. Even as I was going through those sleepless nights and the constant holding of my kids, as exhausted as I was, I knew I'd miss those moments one day. I was right. My kids are in perpetual motion these days. I don't get many sleepy snuggles anymore and I don't get much time where they just sit on my lap and love me. (Plus, if one is on my lap, the other gets jealous and tries to crawl on top of me (and his/her sibling) too.) As much as I relish the fact that my children sleep through the night (don't hate me!) and I'm no longer a mom-bie, I really miss the constant snuggling of the first few months. REMEMBER TO APPRECIATE EVERY STAGE--THE GOOD, BAD AND UGLY--BECAUSE YOU WILL MISS IT!
LESSON 6: YOU'RE STILL YOU...ISH:
Before we had kids, my husband and I swore that we wouldn't become those parents who stopped doing the things we loved. He swore he'd still golf, I swore I'd still get my manicures and pedicures. We promised that we'd still see our friends and we'd still go out and do things. I can assure you, most of that didn't happen. I can't remember the last time he golfed (yes, I know it's winter!), I still get my manicures--but only because my manicurist makes house calls. However, most of the time I'm well overdue for a pedicure or waxing...and, while I probably could find the time, in my free time, I just want to be with my babies. I miss them all day at work, and when I get home, I just want to snuggle them and play with them. I can literally count how many times I've gone out with friends without my kids since they were born (the answer is six, in case you were wondering), and it's not for lack of desire, it's simply for lack of time (and, quite frankly, energy). However, even though I don't have the time that I used to or keep up with my activities like I used to, I don't feel like a different person. It's funny...I always thought that as soon as you had your baby, it was like a switch that flipped and all of a sudden you felt like a different person, like a "mom," however that was supposed to feel. But, after having my kids, I still felt like me...just me with a lot more responsibility. Those who love you will understand that YOU'RE STILL GOING TO BE YOU, JUST A DIFFERENT VERSION OF YOU.
This first year was so fun--even with all of its ups and downs. I wouldn't trade one moment of it. I can only anticipate what this next year will bring. Even through the challenges that lay ahead, I will work on remembering my six little lessons while I smother my two little munchkins with love.
Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com
LESSON 1: THINGS DON'T GO AS PLANNED
When my husband and I decided to start a family, I really believed that it would be easy. We figured that I would get pregnant in the month we wanted, then we would have the baby in the month we wanted, making for an ideal maternity leave. I was wrong--very wrong. Three years and a lot of heartache later, I finally found out I was pregnant...with twins. To say we were overjoyed would be putting it mildly. Of course, we started to make plans. Things like, "We don't need a bassinet in our room. The babies will sleep in their cribs from the day they come home from the hospital." (They didn't.) Or like, "I'm not going to let my kids watch any TV until they are at least 6 months old, preferably a year." (That lasted two months.) Or, "I know there's a higher occurrence of preemie births with twins, but I plan on going at 38 weeks." (They were 7 weeks early.) The most valuable lesson I can take away from this? THE BABY MAKES THE PLANS, NOT YOU, SO BE FLEXIBLE!
LESSON 2: DON'T JUDGE
Ok, I'll admit it. Before I had kids, I was one of those women who would judge the choices other people made with their kids. After all, I had loads of experience with kids--I come from a big family. My youngest aunt is only 9 1/2 years older than me, and she had five kids of her own--the oldest came when I was 17. I have a copious amount of dear friends who had children before I did. I've played the role of babysitter many, many times. So, of course, in my mind, that made me qualified to comment on people's parenting choices. In short, I was a naive ass. I quickly learned that while I did have some knowledge from my babysitting experiences, being a parent is an incredibly different thing than being someone's babysitter. I used to judge people who let their children sleep in bed with them. Until my children were 4 or 5 months old, I would repeatedly take them into bed with me, just so that we could all get a little sleep. I used to judge people who would put their kids on the phone when people called...until I realized that all my children want when I'm on the phone is to grab it from me and play with it. I used to judge people who, in the middle of a phone conversation with me, would stop and say something to their kid...now I'm guilty of that all the time. I used to judge other moms for lots of things...but, now that I'm a mom, all I can say is SOMETIMES, YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO SURVIVE, SO DON'T JUDGE IT UNTIL YOU'VE LIVED IT!
LESSON 3: YOU CAN DO IT...BUT YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL
You have no idea how many people ask me how I manage to have twins, have a career, write a blog, knit, read and have time for family and friends. It's very simple...you deal with whatever life gives you. Plus, I never had a single baby. This is all I've known, so, to me, this is normal! But, I also learned a very valuable lesson in having children. When I was pregnant, I was adamant that I didn't want a baby nurse, nanny or other help when the babies came home from the hospital. I thought, "They're my children, it's my responsibility to get up with them during the night and to take care of them during the day--I don't need or want help." I quickly learned that I needed help. Thank goodness for my family--who all live nearby and pitched in a hand, and thank goodness for good childcare. (Also thank goodness for the fact that my kids are getting older and it's easier to watch them on my own now!) Don't be too hard on yourself--YOU MIGHT BE A SUPER MOM, BUT YOU'RE NOT SUPERWOMAN...AND THAT'S OKAY.
LESSON 4: IT'S DIFFERENT WHEN IT'S YOURS
Before I had kids, I used to watch my friends with kids and think, "I really want this?!" (With fear!) I especially thought that when I was pregnant, and that really scared me...because there was no turning back at that point. I had no idea how I was going to handle the fact that I would have no free time. I had no idea how I was going to handle sleepless nights. I had no idea how I was going to give up sleeping late on weekends. I had no idea how I was going to handle having to selflessly give up all of me to someone else (or two someones!). I especially had no idea how I was going to handle poop, (I would gag when my friends would change their kids' diapers around me or if I had to change my friends' kids poop.) or spit-up (vomit typically makes me want to vomit). The minute I got my babies home, I learned that when it's your kid, you don't mind giving up your free time--because they are your favorite hobby, pastime, activity and entertainment all in one. When it's your kid, poop, pee and spit-up don't bother you because, well, it's your kid. One of the most important things I've learned this past year? YOUR CHILDREN WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING ...AND YOU WON'T MIND.
LESSON 5: EMBRACE THE LITTLE THINGS
(And the little people!) I can remember the first night my husband and I spent alone with our twins...we slept downstairs on the couches with them in their bouncy seats front of us, because we were so nervous! My son didn't want to sleep unless he was sleeping on me. If I got 1 hour of sleep that night, I got a lot. It was one of my worst nights as a parent. It was also one of my best. I know...that doesn't make sense. But, I got to snuggle him all night. He slept on me--which he used to do all the time. Even as I was going through those sleepless nights and the constant holding of my kids, as exhausted as I was, I knew I'd miss those moments one day. I was right. My kids are in perpetual motion these days. I don't get many sleepy snuggles anymore and I don't get much time where they just sit on my lap and love me. (Plus, if one is on my lap, the other gets jealous and tries to crawl on top of me (and his/her sibling) too.) As much as I relish the fact that my children sleep through the night (don't hate me!) and I'm no longer a mom-bie, I really miss the constant snuggling of the first few months. REMEMBER TO APPRECIATE EVERY STAGE--THE GOOD, BAD AND UGLY--BECAUSE YOU WILL MISS IT!
LESSON 6: YOU'RE STILL YOU...ISH:
Before we had kids, my husband and I swore that we wouldn't become those parents who stopped doing the things we loved. He swore he'd still golf, I swore I'd still get my manicures and pedicures. We promised that we'd still see our friends and we'd still go out and do things. I can assure you, most of that didn't happen. I can't remember the last time he golfed (yes, I know it's winter!), I still get my manicures--but only because my manicurist makes house calls. However, most of the time I'm well overdue for a pedicure or waxing...and, while I probably could find the time, in my free time, I just want to be with my babies. I miss them all day at work, and when I get home, I just want to snuggle them and play with them. I can literally count how many times I've gone out with friends without my kids since they were born (the answer is six, in case you were wondering), and it's not for lack of desire, it's simply for lack of time (and, quite frankly, energy). However, even though I don't have the time that I used to or keep up with my activities like I used to, I don't feel like a different person. It's funny...I always thought that as soon as you had your baby, it was like a switch that flipped and all of a sudden you felt like a different person, like a "mom," however that was supposed to feel. But, after having my kids, I still felt like me...just me with a lot more responsibility. Those who love you will understand that YOU'RE STILL GOING TO BE YOU, JUST A DIFFERENT VERSION OF YOU.
This first year was so fun--even with all of its ups and downs. I wouldn't trade one moment of it. I can only anticipate what this next year will bring. Even through the challenges that lay ahead, I will work on remembering my six little lessons while I smother my two little munchkins with love.
Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Email us at theaccessorizedlife@gmail.com
I liked this one a lot (and lived it too) !
ReplyDeleteStacy, this put me back through all of the stages they have gone through thus far. Time definitely flies. I love this post! Really enjoyed the read =)
ReplyDelete- Bree
This is a great post and very true. It's so hard to imagine what parenting is like until your knee deep in it. It is messy and exhausting and beautiful. I think one of my biggest challenges as a mom to a young toddler is that I am continually searching for balance in my life. Thanks for sharing Stacy!
ReplyDeleteKelly, I think that's the balance we are all trying to find...and it's impossible. You feel guilty when you're not with them, you feel guilty for not seeing your friends as much and you feel guilty when you just need a little space to yourself. Being a mom is all about guilt! (Lesson 7?))
Delete