Where I've Been

I know we've been a little lax in posting on the blog. Partly it's my fault. I became a little self involved in my life. For those who actually know me, that has never happened before. Well, I'm ready to share with the world why....

Most of my friends already know this story, but for those who don't know me and follow this blog (the one of you...) here is where I've been for the last year.

For the entirety of my adult life, I was the quintessential single gal. I watched as my friends found their loves, married, had children, and moved on. I participated happily in those life events, always wondering if that would ever happen for me. I hated feeling like I was missing something, but I also wasn't willing to settle.  I also wasn't truly happy with my life. We, as humans, rarely say that out loud. To say you're unhappy is unheard of. If you do, someone can look at you and say, "You are unhappy? For what reason? You are young, healthy, have a good job."  Also, to admit to unhappiness, is almost like admitting to defeat. However, I have never been one of those people to just idly sit by, so I realized that if I was unhappy, I'm the only person who has the power to make myself happy.  So I saw a counselor, I worked a lot on myself, and made the decision that maybe I just wasn't meant to find anyone, that my life was going to be the way it was--fulfilled with friends and family, but missing a piece.

I told my friends this and they pish poshed what I said; they were confident I was meant to be with someone. I was not so easily convinced. I guess I also didn't want to get my hopes up, so I made some sarcastic joke and changed the subject. Yes, I am the queen of sarcasm, and, yes, I know it was a defense mechanism.

Then I lost my grandmother. Her death caught me off guard; it was pretty sudden. She had always been so strong, vibrant, the matriarch of my family, and although we didn't always see eye to eye, I loved her fiercely. She wanted nothing more for me than to find the person I was supposed to marry and start a family. When she passed, I felt lost again and I couldn't figure out why.  Fast forward to four months after she passed to me hysterically crying to one of my best friends and saying the words that I couldn't say, but what had been a dark hole in my heart since she passed... "that she would never see me marry." As soon as I said that out loud, a weight lifted off my shoulders. I also made the decision at that moment, that I had to stop moping around--she would not want that. I realized I had to be open again, stop saying no, and shutting myself off. Over the next few months I worked on letting my grief go. At a girls' night In that I hosted, my friends convinced me to go back on match.com and be proactive in finding someone.

After Valentine's Day, 2014, I made the decision to really dive into emailing some guys on the site, and see what came of it. This time, I tried to stay positive. I was emailing with one guy, when I read the profile of another. This other guy came up in a search I did and I clicked on him because his user name was "devildog" something. I thought that meant he was a Devils fan...I was wrong.  I started looking at his profile and his stats that are at the top of his profile, (if you've ever been on an internet dating site, you know that up top they put a person's stats: age, height, body type, religion, etc.) were not things I normally go for.... but something told me to keep reading.  So I did. What I found was someone funny, cute and I was hooked. I sat down and typed, and then retyped, an email to him. It took me a little while to get it right; I was trying so hard to be engaging and funny so that he would want to write me back. With a deep breath I hit send and went on with my day. Honestly, outside of a few random guys over the years, internet dating did not yield a lot of success for me.

Two hours later, he wrote back. Over the next few hours, we wrote email after email to each other, switched to gchat, then by the end of the day, we had a date planned for later in the week!!! We spent the next few days talking over email and gchat and eventually texting. It was a wonderful first date, not that it was spectacularly unique, rather, we spent 5 hours talking and laughing. By the end of the night, we had another date lined up for the next night. I was smitten.

Our relationship started fast, we spent most of our time together over the next six weeks. My plans revolved around his, I became that girl. I knew it was happening, but honestly, I just didn't care.

Was it love at first sight? No. It was definitely like at first sight, and love didn't take that long to appear. He and I grew as a couple; we spent all our time together and that missing puzzle piece of my life had finally been found. (I know, so cliched...)

Ten months later, he asked me to marry him, in the most perfect of ways. It was a private perfect moment between he and I and then we were able to immediately celebrate with my parents and friends, and then with his family and friends two days later. (We went to his home state for Christmas)

We will be married this summer, and of course, Stacy will be my Matron of Honor. I'm toying with the idea of posting some of the planning I'm doing on the blog, but don't want to force my wedding on our limited readership.

I can't wait for all the new adventures to come. I know that it won't always be perfect, and that I can't predict what will happen, but I also know that I have found the person I am supposed to be with. I know my grandmother would have loved him, and that makes me sad and happy all rolled into one.

So...yeah, that's where I've been, up in the air, near the clouds...happy as can be.

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